‘Eish, Docta, I have a pain.’
‘Where does it hurt, Morena?’
‘No, Docta, it doesn’t hurt, it just pains.’
‘Sista, please give the patient some Panado for his pain.’
‘Eish, Docta, the Panado is OS (Out of Stock – read: in the hall cupboard thus too far to walk).
Anaesthetist to surgeon, ‘The patient’s blood pressure has dropped. Can you pinch him, or cut him, or something?’
Private GP referring to surgeon, ‘Docta, I think this patient has rectoschisis.’
Surgeon, ‘She has what?’
‘She is bleeding from the rectum.’
‘Oh, have you examined her for a cause of bleeding?’
‘No, the patient told me she is bleeding. I have not examined her.’
‘Sista, will you put a dressing on this patient’s wound when you have a minute?’
‘Eish, Docta, no. We have now weked for two hours. We are going on tea.’
Sister to a friend, ‘I would never wek in a private hospital because then I’d have to smile at the patients.’
Patient having a circumscision done, ‘ Docta, can you, you know, make it longa while you’re at it?’
‘Docta, we would rather give the antibiotics twice a day. It is inconvenient to give it four times a day like you wanted.’
Referral letter from a peripheral hospital, ‘Thank you for accepting this patient. She did not receive any medication or dressings in our hospital for a hitherto unknown reason.’
True stories. No, I kid you not.
Add your own funny hospital experiences.
Who else but a resident of this great continent could ever understand this!
ReplyDeleteHilarious and yet so ironic, so sad.
Neither you nor I would be able to change one iota of it! Would we want to? Perhaps we've become slightly addicted to it!
Do you think reading this would stir a nostalgic longing for home by our ex-pats?
Imagine how boring their hospital lives must be!
Thanx for the entertainment. Give us more!
It seems that this is the state of affairs in Government-aided hospitals in all developing countries.
ReplyDeleteFat funds but skimpy expenditure on the actual stuff- medicines and hospital supplies, poorly paid veteran nursing staff who no longer really care about the patients and set a bad example to the newer generation, and infrastructure that's ages old and ready to disintegrate at any time. And yes, the gender biases too. Add to that the distrusting patients armed with their precious half-knowledge or sometimes outright false information from the internet, and it's enough to make anyone want to attack the world with an axe. Or a scalpel, maybe.
This illness is spreading ....and it's not something that can be surgeoned away, I'm afraid.
ReplyDeleteBut one has to laugh... for a hitherto unknown reason.
Good luck!